Babies what? I'm thinking.
"You haven't had any yet...are you planning on ever having them?" She starts drilling me.
Um, yeah? She's a gyno, I can't insult what the woman does for a living! And the truth is, of course I've thought about it. Every woman THINKS about it at one point or another. But I'm in my 20s...I'm still worrying about what I'm gonna be when I grow up!
She then launches into the biological clock campaign: Did I know that I'm at prime physically age for fertility and pregnancy? Did I know that I only have a window of a few years with this golden uterus before it starts rusting? Or am I gonna be one of those workaholic women who puts their career first, only to figure out at 45 that that's not what life is all about and suddenly want kids but it's probably too late???
So I leave the doctor's office with a pressing feeling that if I don't try to get pregnant RIGHT NOW, I'll be heartless, selfish, "career woman" who ends up all alone with cats instead of kids...
But before I do anything absolutely reckless, I do some research. Here's what I found:
The first thing is that every woman, and therefore her body, is different.
I found a great article that breaks down pregnancy differences in your 20s, 30s, and 40s.
Your 20s
- Prime fertility years, but you still only have 20% chance each month of getting pregnant.
- You have little risk of hypertension and half the risk of gestational diabetes as 40 year old pregnant women, and the baby is unlikely to be born with a defect.
- Emotionally, most 20 year olds are selfish, worrying more about their significant other, their body image and figuring out what they're going to do with their lives, which doesn't exactly make it easy to focus on a baby.
- Financially, you may be struggling more than older women.
- You'll be able to get your body back in shape quicker than the other age groups! (That's a huge plus in my books!)
Your 30s
- Your fertility rate already starts to decline at 30! (although gradually, over the next 5 years)
- While invitro is about 3 times as succesful as in your 40s, it's still only 25-28%.
- C-sections are twice as common than in your 20s.
- Chances of high blood pressure and gestational diabetes skyrocket, especially over 35
- Emotionally, you'll be more stable in life and career, and ready to fit in a baby, but you might be torn of exactly how to divide your time between all your responsibilities.
- Risk of having a baby with birth defects are beginning to increase
- Chances of having twins and triplets increases (maybe to make up for not having one sooner!)
Your 40s
- Studies show that women who have children (without fertility drugs) over 40 tend to live longer than those who don't
- There is only a 5% chance each month of getting pregnant
- Fatigue is a big complaint
- Hemmoroids, pressure on bladder and sagging breasts are more common at this age, but can be helped by keeping up your exercise and doing Kegals!
- Emotionally, you're the most mature age group and will probably have much more patience
- Miscarriages and birth defects are at a high
After reading this, I only regained the pressure I felt from my gyno. She was pretty much right. It is MUCH easier, healthier and safer to have children in your 20s.
But women today are so empowered, strong, and capable of handling their own lives the way they want it. Something has to be said of the women who want it all and can have it all! No matter when you choose to have a child, there is help--whether you need assistance financially, emotionally, or physically. And if you choose not to have any kids at all, that's ok too! There's absolutely no wrong (or right) way of going about YOUR life, and only YOU can make those decisions.
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